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LIZ LEMOOOOOOON
MANLY KINDNESS, apparently
Esquire presents their ‘25 skills every man should know’
Basics like jump-starting a car and filleting a fish you should know already. Tips like chopping down a tree and skinning a moose are kinda badass. The pastry chef metaphor for pleasing a woman
The theatrical flourishes and jabs you’ve learned from your trusty porn are like that: the frosting on the frosting. A good pastry chef uses his nibs sparingly and aims foremost for a thick, smooth application. […] Go slowly, be sedulous and heedful, and don’t stop until the cake is done.
tickles me. But this? Really? I get the idea, they’re trying to show that empathy is part of this straight-razor using, shoe-shining, Tom Waits-y gentleman gestalt, but comparing a crying woman to “a wounded animal”? Poo poo, sirs. Poor taste. Makes me think of Jimmy Stewart saying “sweetheart”
Console a Crying Woman
Keep a handkerchief on your person. A clean one, since it’s not for you. It’s for the crying woman.
When you encounter the crying woman (and she needs to be sobbing as if she’s been hurt — never approach a woman who is merely weeping or teary), approach her as if you’re advancing on a wounded animal that might still be able to bite — slowly, thoughtfully. Pull out the handkerchief.\
Say: “I’m sorry to disturb you, but is there anything I can do to help?”
Whether she responds or not, offer the still-folded handkerchief. Point out that it’s clean. This should make her laugh.
If she hasn’t yet told you to go away (and if she tells you to go away, do so immediately), ask what you might specifically be able to do: stay with her, call the police, listen to her problems, tap dance.
Proceed according to her wishes until she says she’s fine.Tell her to keep the hanky.
Source: coudal.com
Hanging Out With Indiana Jones
“What you got there?”
“Uh. A popsicle.”
“What flavor?”
“It’s. It’s strawberry. Well, technically it’s kiwi strawberry.”
“Looks refreshing.”
“Indy, I know it’s not the manliest treat in the world.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I mean it’s pretty hot out so like—”
“That’s why I carry this canteen filled with river water.”
“And I have to slowly suck it like this because my teeth are pretty sensitive. So I can’t just bite into it. Plus I’ll get a, you know, a cold headache.”
“One time I got a headache because a Nazi general held my face against the wheels of a moving tank.”
“Ow.”
“You think your sister will be back from Walgreens pretty soon?”
“Yeah, she was just gonna pick up some sex gel and Pringles.”
“Maybe I’ll go wait in the biplane.”
“Cool. Cool. Hey, you wanna hear this joke on the popsicle stick? It’s pretty funny.”
“Just let her know where I am, kid.”
“OK, Indy.”
» Rating: TWO SEXY LADIES
Source: tensexyladies
two big hands and a heart pumping blood: Dear Tumblr,
Hi, my name is Emma. I am Jewish, and before I go to bed, I’d like to tell you guys a little bit about what that means. Before I begin, I should add that Judaism means different things to different people because like any cultural group, we Jews are not monolithic. Not all Jews…
Source: burtmacklin
Elements of Suprise
Stupid and clever with an ironic inversion at the end. One of the most perfectly executed McSweeney’s lists to date.
PhosYOUREPREGNANTphorus
LithTHETESTCAMEBACKPOSITIVEium
MangLOOKOUTanese
SelenYOUREBEINGAUDITEDium
HydroLETSMOVEINTOGETHERgen
FluorDADIMGAYine
NitroHAPPYBIRTHDAYgen
TungYOUARENOTMENTIONEDINTHEWILLsten
PotassYESIHAVEAREASONWHYTHESETWOSHOULDNOTBEMARRIEDium
Arsenic
Source: mcsweeneys.net
Ten Sexy Ladies: My Erotic Thriller So Far
Jack Delt had a long, stressful day at his job as a PHP ninja. He went to unwind at his local watering hole, Dave’s Alcohol. As he ordered a Suddenly Stop Caring his eyes fell upon the stunning gams of a stone cold fox. He slowly cast his gaze up the gams, past the vagina area, up to where the boobs are and then finally to her eyes. He was pleased to note she was looking right back at him not in disgust.
Source: tensexyladies
Homance
(Movie depicting) a close friendship between women (“hos”) – a female “bromance.”
Writing for Slate, Jessica Grose discussed the film “Bridesmaids” and enumerated some differences between bromances such as “Knocked Up” and “The Hangover” and homances:
Because while Bridesmaids does share some core DNA with bromances, particularly the ones directed, written or produced by Judd Apatow (who was also a producer of this film), it is ultimately a different – and more original – animal: Let’s call it a homance.
Nancy Friedman was unenthusiastic about the term, writing:
Movies about female friends, however, have been sparse lately, so I understand the urge to tag Bridesmaids with a category name. But homance? Not only does homance dispense with the R of romance, thus muddying the semantic waters, it also replaces the chummy, G-rated bro with the decidedly less family-friendly ho – which, lest we forget, is a truncation of whore. I haven’t yet seen Bridesmaids, but it’s pretty clear that this isn’t a movie about the misadventures of a gang of streetwalkers.
(A search of the Urban Dictionary reveals that the term homance as been in use since c.2008.)
Source:
Schott’s Vocab Commenter Thinks He’s Clever
Weekend Competition: What’s the Onomatopoeia?
This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to dance across their keyboards to provide the spelling of the sounds that surround us.
Commenter P. Solanki: The sound of the American dollar tumbling: Yuan-yuan-yuan.
Source: http
