The benefit to being in a relationship is that when you didn’t bring any money to the farmers market you can say “buy me this celery root,” and then you will be able to make this soup later today. Also sex, feelings, etc.
Source: tomatoallergy
Source: brotips
A dating show about a bachelor who must choose between thirty beautiful women. Each week he goes on a series of dates with the women and things are going well for a while and then he shows them his webbed foot and explains to them that the deformity is the reason he keeps his socks on during intercourse, and then the women no longer want to be intimate with him, but they tell him it’s because they’re stressed about their jobs and not because he has a webbed foot, so he sits in the limo by himself, alternately masturbating, napping, and crying. (Possible titles: You Are Going to Die Alone, Love is a Lie Created by the Greeting Card Industry in a Joint Partnership with Lord Voldemort, Come Back, Amanda… Please.)
Source: mcsweeneys.net
Source: redsuspenders
Veal Chop!: my last-year real life on a blog
The Text
Him: “What’s up”The Analysis
K: I don’t think it’s that much of an exaggeration to say that people who only text “what’s up” all the time should be banished to an island that is slowly sinking.
B: He sends this text to me every couple of weeks, on Friday…
Source: idhaveyouanytime
Livin’ the dream
I would make a cafe press devoted to just this so I could have easy access to bumper stickers, temporary tattoos, t-shirts, greeting cards, and possibly fanny packs of this.
(via shloobykitten)
Source: dopeestlife
