MANLY KINDNESS, apparently

Esquire presents their ‘25 skills every man should know’

Basics like jump-starting a car and filleting a fish you should know already. Tips like chopping down a tree and skinning a moose are kinda badass. The pastry chef metaphor for pleasing a woman

The theatrical flourishes and jabs you’ve learned from your trusty porn are like that: the frosting on the frosting. A good pastry chef uses his nibs sparingly and aims foremost for a thick, smooth application. […] Go slowly, be sedulous and heedful, and don’t stop until the cake is done.

tickles me. But this? Really? I get the idea, they’re trying to show that empathy is part of this straight-razor using, shoe-shining, Tom Waits-y gentleman gestalt, but comparing a crying woman to “a wounded animal”? Poo poo, sirs. Poor taste. Makes me think of Jimmy Stewart saying “sweetheart”

Console a Crying Woman

1. Keep a handkerchief on your person. A clean one, since it’s not for you. It’s for the crying woman.

2. When you encounter the crying woman (and she needs to be sobbing as if she’s been hurt — never approach a woman who is merely weeping or teary), approach her as if you’re advancing on a wounded animal that might still be able to bite — slowly, thoughtfully. Pull out the handkerchief.\

3. Say: “I’m sorry to disturb you, but is there anything I can do to help?”

4. Whether she responds or not, offer the still-folded handkerchief. Point out that it’s clean. This should make her laugh.

5. If she hasn’t yet told you to go away (and if she tells you to go away, do so immediately), ask what you might specifically be able to do: stay with her, call the police, listen to her problems, tap dance.

6. Proceed according to her wishes until she says she’s fine. Tell her to keep the hanky.