The hawk lands upon my outstretched arm. I unroll the message affixed to its leg: did you get the email i sent y/n. I angrily throw the note to the ground and the hawk takes wing with an irritated squawk.
I glower at the slumbering city, fists clenched. Suddenly, the sky explodes in a riot of color. I cower in terror but then slowly stand back up as I see the fireworks spell out HEY DID YOU GET THAT BIRD LETTER ABOUT MY EMAIL???
I turn my back on the garish display, trembling with rage. I do not want to attend your baby shower! my mind shrieks. I find them excruciating!
My shoulders slump as I head inside to find out how much it costs to get a onesie that looks like a little tuxedo.
Source: fireland
Ten Sexy Ladies: My Erotic Thriller So Far
Jack Delt had a long, stressful day at his job as a PHP ninja. He went to unwind at his local watering hole, Dave’s Alcohol. As he ordered a Suddenly Stop Caring his eyes fell upon the stunning gams of a stone cold fox. He slowly cast his gaze up the gams, past the vagina area, up to where the boobs are and then finally to her eyes. He was pleased to note she was looking right back at him not in disgust.
Source: tensexyladies
Ziternenlign: The phantom vibration that makes you wrongly believe your smartphone has rung.
Luftyedieschnorer: Coffeehouse Wi-Fi hog who buys one small drink and watches hours of streaming video.
Glosbenkschaft: The Proustian moment of nostalgia when drinking soda from a glass bottle.
Vonshtuppkomischzorge: Wondering whether, in the Obama era, Blazing Saddles is a) no longer funny, b) still funny, c) funnier.
Muppets With People Eyes. Read it now.
Source: muppetswithpeopleeyes
You know who likes fried chicken is black people. You know who else likes fried chicken? Everybody.
Nick Kroll as Fabrice Fabrice (embedded below)
(Inspired by Dinner Conversations with Philly Inquirier foodist Craig Laban and chefs Matt Levin and Anne Coll)
Source: jokes.com
Source: seancrowe
