- A: because who else would write that post sarcastically?
- B: o'henry?
- A: orly?
I'll be at Señor Tadpoles, having a margarita made in my...
- A: i'm leaving in a minute
- A: gyno appointment
- A: woo spring break
GO TEAM VENTURE
- Henchman 21: Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before.
- Henchman 24: Allegedly.
- Henchman 21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
- Henchman 24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
- The Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden.
Source:
gotta dust the bones
- A: am i too creepy
- B: for... what?
- B: public office? yes
- A: the masses
- A: wait relaly??? for public office?
- B: [Redacted]
- B: you literally have skeletons in your closet
- A: not ENTIRE skeletons
- B: ...
- B taxidermy is the 'vegas hooker who couldn't be bought off' of creepy girls who want to run for public office
Living in your 20s
- [Redacted]: there are moments when living with ur parents blows
- [Redacted]: but then they bring you cookies
- [Redacted]: and that part is pretty rad
On The Crying Emoticon
- Me: ;`( that means someone i know died in prison
- Me: ;,( That means I killed someone in prison
- Her: i hate you
:-)8
- Mom: Can you please call me when you need to be picked up! Don’t do anything stupid! :-)8
- Me: What is that emoticon?
- Mom: bowtie man! He doesn’t do anything stupid
Source: coudal.com
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