Sam L. Roth

fireland: The hawk lands upon my outstretched arm. I unroll the message affixed to its leg: did you...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:14:47 -0500

The hawk lands upon my outstretched arm. I unroll the message affixed to its leg: did you get the email i sent y/n. I angrily throw the note to the ground and the hawk takes wing with an irritated squawk.

I glower at the slumbering city, fists clenched. Suddenly, the sky explodes in a riot of color. I cower in terror but then slowly stand back up as I see the fireworks spell out HEY DID YOU GET THAT BIRD LETTER ABOUT MY EMAIL???

I turn my back on the garish display, trembling with rage. I do not want to attend your baby shower! my mind shrieks. I find them excruciating!

My shoulders slump as I head inside to find out how much it costs to get a onesie that looks like a little tuxedo.

slaughterhouse90210: “It was not just that he had terrible...

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 10:09:46 -0500

slaughterhouse90210:

“It was not just that he had terrible style: he also gave the impression that he was deliberately desecrating the very idea of wearing clothes.”
― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

2012

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 10:06:52 -0500

tensexyladies:

I awake on New Year’s Day to discover my fingers stuck in ten different vodka bottles. They make a terrible clatter as I somehow manage to don my kimono emblazoned with a .44 Magnum Colt Anaconda and the words I WILL DESERT STORM DAT ASS in Papyrus. I wait for my boner to subside and then go outside to greet 2012. The wintry air is invigorating upon my boner which did not subside. The year stretches out before me like a gay magic scroll, its enchantments yet to be written.

[…]

» Rating: GOTTA BE TEN SEXY LADIES, MY MAIN MAN. I’M CALLING IT.

alisonagosti: GPOY

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 19:56:38 -0500

alisonagosti:

GPOY

"Econ Professor Trying To Lecture 300 People Who Don’t Pay Their Own Car Insurance"

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 11:09:11 -0500

“Econ Professor Trying To Lecture 300 People Who Don’t Pay Their Own Car Insurance”

Some people prepare for cold season by stocking up on vitamins...

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 22:10:42 -0500

Some people prepare for cold season by stocking up on vitamins or medicine. I make consommé. (Taken with instagram)

Matzo meal fried chicken, buttermilk waffle, maple syrup. ...

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 22:03:10 -0500

Matzo meal fried chicken, buttermilk waffle, maple syrup. (Taken with instagram)

Just that kind of day

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:35:52 -0500

Just that kind of day

hipster-animals: You tell me. Reblog this with your...

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 18:10:20 -0500

hipster-animals:

You tell me.

Reblog this with your label/occupation for this animal. I’ll pick the best one next week and rename it with a link to your tumblr.

Armchair urban planner

"It is utterly insufficient (to eat pie only twice a week), as anyone who knows the secret of our..."

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 11:11:10 -0500

““It is utterly insufficient (to eat pie only twice a week), as anyone who knows the secret of our strength as a nation and the foundation of our industrial supremacy must admit. Pie is the American synonym of prosperity, and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons. Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished.””

- Racial determinism, geo-political history, gender disparity, and the law of man as viewed through the lens of pie.

New York Times, 10/3/1902

(via nomchomsky)

nevver: Palmistry

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 10:19:36 -0500

nevver:

Palmistry

Nerd cred

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:05:02 -0500

Tom: We've gotta throw some cold water on this situation. Start talking about nerd stuff!
Ben: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word "nerd" derogatorily, it means YOU'RE the one that's out of the zeitgeist.
Tom: Yes, that's perfect! Just like that. Be incredibly boring.

Arugula ravioli, royal trumpet mushrooms, squash, pork top...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:49:26 -0500

Arugula ravioli, royal trumpet mushrooms, squash, pork top sirloin, tomato, pork jus, pecorino (Taken with instagram)

From the “You May Be a Loser, But At Least You’re a...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:09:15 -0500

From the “You May Be a Loser, But At Least You’re a Consistent Loser” department

Turmeric butter sautéed shellfish, lima ginger coriander squash,...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 01:18:40 -0500

Turmeric butter sautéed shellfish, lima ginger coriander squash, snow peas, and peppers (Taken with instagram)

Photo

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:23:50 -0500

"Madame, your public has spoken. There is a dire need for your skills in St Petersburg. Go. They have..."

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 10:59:52 -0400

“Madame, your public has spoken. There is a dire need for your skills in St Petersburg. Go. They have chandeliers in the subways and caviar on tap. All the blini you can eat. Bear steaks.”

- Makers by Cory Doctorow

hoodinternet: WIZ KHALIFA feat TOO $HORT vs SBTRKTSTV SLV - On...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 18:30:00 -0400

hoodinternet:

WIZ KHALIFA feat TOO $HORT vs SBTRKT

STV SLV - On My Wildfire (Wiz Khalifa feat Too $hort vs SBTRKT)
Download: direct via Raptorhideout | Soundcloud

HALLOWEEKEND: Getting in the van for a run of shows with our homeboys Lasers and Fast and Shit. Put on a costume and come hang:

Thursday 10/27 » The House Cafe, Dekalb IL w/ TBA (ex-TBD)
Friday 10/28 » Bourbon Theatre, Lincoln NE w/ DJ Spence
Saturday 10/29 » The Blue Note, Columbia MO w/ Jay Fay

We’ll have these screenprinted posters designed by Johnny Sampson:

ACTUAL HALLOWEEN: Monday 10/31 I’ll be rolling through REHAB Mondays at Debonair Social Club in Chicago alongside a ridiculous lineup upstairs: Database (Brazil), Hollywood Holt (DJ set), Team Bayside High, Greg Corner and PHNM. Then downstairs Code Of Conduct presents “Hell’s Basement” with a DJ set by Oderus of GWAR. Holy shit

Tomato-squash purée, cavatappi, sautéed mushrooms, peppers,...

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:46:38 -0400

Tomato-squash purée, cavatappi, sautéed mushrooms, peppers, onions, roast chicken, maple-cider vinegar froyo, good olive oil (Taken with instagram)

animalstalkinginallcaps: THIS IS WHAT A FOREVER 21 LOOKS LIKE?...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:54:05 -0400

animalstalkinginallcaps:

THIS IS WHAT A FOREVER 21 LOOKS LIKE? HOW HAVE I NEVER BEEN IN ONE OF THESE BEFORE?

EVERYTHING IS SO CUTE, AND SO CHEEEEEEEEEEEEAP!