The hawk lands upon my outstretched arm. I unroll the message affixed to its leg: did you get the email i sent y/n. I angrily throw the note to the ground and the hawk takes wing with an irritated squawk.
I glower at the slumbering city, fists clenched. Suddenly, the sky explodes in a riot of color. I cower in terror but then slowly stand back up as I see the fireworks spell out HEY DID YOU GET THAT BIRD LETTER ABOUT MY EMAIL???
I turn my back on the garish display, trembling with rage. I do not want to attend your baby shower! my mind shrieks. I find them excruciating!
My shoulders slump as I head inside to find out how much it costs to get a onesie that looks like a little tuxedo.
Source: fireland
“It was not just that he had terrible style: he also gave the impression that he was deliberately desecrating the very idea of wearing clothes.”
― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
Source: slaughterhouse90210
2012
I awake on New Year’s Day to discover my fingers stuck in ten different vodka bottles. They make a terrible clatter as I somehow manage to don my kimono emblazoned with a .44 Magnum Colt Anaconda and the words I WILL DESERT STORM DAT ASS in Papyrus. I wait for my boner to subside and then go outside to greet 2012. The wintry air is invigorating upon my boner which did not subside. The year stretches out before me like a gay magic scroll, its enchantments yet to be written.
[…]
» Rating: GOTTA BE TEN SEXY LADIES, MY MAIN MAN. I’M CALLING IT.
Source: tensexyladies
Econ Professor Trying To Lecture 300 People Who Don’t Pay Their Own Car Insurance
Source:
Some people prepare for cold season by stocking up on vitamins or medicine. I make consommé. (Taken with instagram)
Matzo meal fried chicken, buttermilk waffle, maple syrup. (Taken with instagram)
Just that kind of day
